i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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