Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
