apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
there is glitter all over my balls
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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