So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
