alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
