I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
