haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
