I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
