he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
