im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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