i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
