Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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