It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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