There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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