Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize