I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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