Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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