i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
