you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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