Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
