call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
