I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
