My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
