If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
