everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
