he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
