She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's blow job season.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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