the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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