u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
