Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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