We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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