Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
