Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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