Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't turn off my feet"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
