An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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