my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize