we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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