you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
