Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
