somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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