hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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