You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize