Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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