I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
