He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
