thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
