woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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