you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
