So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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