I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
