UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
