omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
