they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
