Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
