wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
