You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
