I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
