Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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