she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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