Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
