When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
