You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
