If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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