his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
