Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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