it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
