two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
