Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
