like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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