I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
