you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
