hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
