In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
