i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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