so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
