Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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