Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
